some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
