It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
