Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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