two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
