Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
