Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
