Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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