You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
