Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
