the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
