I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
