Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
