She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
