I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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