My liver just broke up with me...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize