I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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