He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize