pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
