okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
