the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
