all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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