I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
