Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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