Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
