I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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