dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
