my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
