She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
