I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
