Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
