Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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