Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
