I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
