I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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