She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
