what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
