Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
