I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
