Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
