dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
