I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize