Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
