The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize