her vagine was all disorganized.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
