You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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