eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
