you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
