I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this hospital has no fireball
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
