p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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