I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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