Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
