At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
