Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
