Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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