what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
