I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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