i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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