it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
