He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize