If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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