This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
