I am in a vortex of obligation.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
