Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
