just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
