the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
