did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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