Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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