i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
