Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
