I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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